Eucatastrophe

Daddyo's Over the Hills

Third time was a charm. Of course spending another two grand on the truck helped. With a beautiful camper shell, no trailer, a new muffler, a new fan clutch, and a whole chucking new top end of the engine, I came out of the hole which envelops ABQ. I did not realize the extent that it is all up hill from ABQ to the border of Texas; it's a wonder anyone ever makes it out of there. Anyway, I am safe and well, and heading home to the South. I had to purge two more times to get everything in the truck, but lean and mean suits me.

I am thinking of a comprehensive list of things I learned from all the crap I have gone through of late. Here's some highlights:

1. If you desperately need money do not borrow from family. You are much better off borrowing from the mob. Broken fingers hurt way less than family drama.

2. Anything you say can and will be used against you.

3. Don't buy a vehicle at a wholesale auction from a small car dealer. If it was not a turd they would have sold it on their own lot, not dumped it at the sale. As a corollary to this---the cuter it looks, the more it is likely to be totally fucked under the hood (gee, that may be true on a larger scale....).

4. If you are certain God told you to do something. Do it. Do it quickly. Don't look back.

More later. Currently I am in OKC in a handicapped room with a shower big enough to wash my truck, but it was cheap and clean and had free wi-fi.

Daddyo loves you more than you will ever know

Just Four Things

For the record I don't do MEMEs. It's one of my stupid prejudices which have no basis in reality. HOWEVER, I just got tagged to do one by perhaps the only person in the world who could entice me to do so---mainly because I hold her in such extraordinary esteem.

Four jobs I've had:
1. Car Wash Towel Boy
2. Sold Light Bulbs over the phone
3. Professional Magician
4. Deputy Attorney General for the State of Alabama

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Almost Famous
2. Roman Holiday
3. The Matrix
4. Rear Window

Four places I've lived:
1. Albuquerque, NM
2. Eufaula, AL
2. Montgomery, AL
3. Atlanta, GA

Four TV shows I love:
I rarely watch TV anymore, but if I did---
1. American Idol
2. My Name is Earl
3. Sex and the City
4. Daily Show

Four concerts I'm glad I went to:
1. Kansas opening for Heart
2. Willie Nelson with Waylon Jennings
3. U2
4. Kid Rock (totally tacky but awesome)

Four places I've vacationed:
1. Island hopping in Hawaii
2. New York: four shows and 30+ museums in three days
3. Toronto: best food anywhere
4. Montreal: cleanest big city in the world

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Sushi
2. Mom's Spaghetti
3. Mom's Chicken Enchiladas
4. Pizookie: a pizza cookie served warm and gooey with ice cream

Four sites I visit daily:
1. myspace
2. all my friends blogs (mine too to see if you commented)
3. cnn
4. Duke City Fix and ATLbloggers

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. At the Biscuits baseball park with my big and little boys
2. Sante Fe: Canyon Road doing galleries
3. Little Five Points, ATL
4. having lunch with someone I love

Four bloggers I am tagging:
1. Bobbi
2. Gabe
3. Laura
4. Adam

Coming Soon: what I've learned from all the shit I have endured of late

Daddyo loves you

On People Collecting

The genius of myspace is that it is a tool to accommodate the whims and dreams of a very diverse set of people. 73 million people to be more precise. Some use it to connect with coworkers, current and former classmates, people with similar passions, and even people looking for passion. I have always been an ardent people watcher. I am absolutely fascinated and captivated by the facade people create to help define who they are. How can one be unique in a sea of millions, billions, of other humans? So I am drawn to those who make some extraordinary effort to stand out in the crowd. They may be simply dressing to frame and enhance a cute figure, or they may have adorned themselves with tattoos or wild hair, or dark romantic clothing. All this connects with a scream within all of us to find our identity in the world.

In the mall or at coffee shops or at concerts I simply take a mental picture of those that I love. But in myspace I can have the audacity of asking them to be my friend and post their photo like a trophy in my profile. I collect them, but I also love each and every one and return to their profiles to check out the books they are reading and the music they are playing when I open them up. Indeed, many of those I am blessed to have as friends I chose primarily because of their outward beauty or their unique expression of themselves as a work of art. There are many others who I choose after finding them in groups that interest me. Then I read their stuff, and seek friendship when I find a kindred spirit. My friends reflect my diverse and eclectic personality. Some are just beautiful people who make me happy when I see them. With many others I ping ponged several emails and developed them as more than acquaintances. Some have become true friends who I call on for prayer support or for information on a topic they alone can help me with. Some are members of my family (including one who is an adult model), and some are long time friends whose friendship has been strengthened by our additional connection at the website.

Myspace is heaven. I think when we all enter the after life there will be a similar connection with hundreds of people from all over the world in every age group and from every spectrum of the rainbow, but by grasping this simple addiction we can have it now.

The drawing above of Audrey Hepburn is by one of my favorite people on myspace, a 76 year old woman living in Italy who is so weary of her long life that she prays to die in her sleep. I love this sweet old soul and brilliant artist, and pray that God will give her the peace she desires.

Daddyo, praying for hundreds of people I know and love, but who I have never met

Lions and Tigers and Heresy! Oh my!

My personal theology is hugely ecumenical and full of grace. I believe "in essentials unity, in non-essentials love." Further, my big tent quest for unity within the church is shockingly open to squirrelly diversity. Having said that, I do try to be open to the possibility that there are beliefs out there which can be harmful and counter-productive to the expansion of the Kingdom of God.

I recently listened to a book on CD by T.D. Jakes called He-Motions. It blessed me tremendously and gave me some direction in areas where I really need and desire to achieve greater maturity. I offered to give the book to a new friend of mine who is a hardcore Calvary Chapel and Christian radio scholar. He was simply horrified that I had listened to something by T.D. Jakes and all but demanded that we burn the CD's. I was not totally stunned by this because Calvary Chapel is sometimes shockingly critical of other ministries. For example they do not carry any of Dr. James Dobson's books in their bookstores because they say Dobson leans too heavily on conventional psychology and not enough on scripture. They hold any pentecostal or name and claim it folks such as Kenneth Copeland or Benny Hinn with the same disdain usually reserved for Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses. Yes, I know I am generalizing, and there are no doubt tons of Calvary Chapel attendees that do not adhere to this, but I know these are general positions of Calvary Chapel. Keep in mind I have attended services at Calvary Chapel over a hundred times and have many friends there. Really it is not Calvary Chapel that I disagree with so much as the likes of Hank Hanegraaff and the theology police over at the Christian Research Institute.

My friend could not articulate why T.D. Jakes was off base theologically, but he was sure I should not listen to anything Jakes had to say. I did not have to look very hard. The allegations of heresy stem from T.D. Jakes prior affiliation with the Pentecostal Oneness movement. This could be a book not a blog, but to try to summarize there are two schools of thought regarding the trinity:

Theologians recognize two distinct conceptions of the Trinity: the ontological Trinity, which refers to the existence of three distinct Persons within the Godhead apart from any relationship to the creation, and the economic Trinity, which refers to the distinct roles the three Persons assume in relation to creation. Modalism essentially teaches that the economic Trinity is the only Trinity there is. Their God, who ontologically is not Triune, assumes three distinct modes or roles in relation to creation. They are convinced that to confess God is three Persons is to confess the existence of three Gods — even though that’s not what the doctrine of the Trinity states (this is their main stumbling block in approaching orthodoxy).

This gets into relatively heady theology. I recall when I was best friends with an awesome Church of Christ pastor he insisted that I be baptized again. In his theology the baptism was a prerequisite to salvation and only counted if the pastor doing the Baptism spoke aloud that I was baptized in the name of Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. It is insufficient, he (and his denomination) believes to be only baptized in the name of Jesus. There must be a vocal recognition of each distinct personage within the Godhead. Now the oneness (modalist) folks are freaked out over this since an appearance arises that we are worshiping three Gods, not one. Good orthodox Jews arise each day with the declaration "Hear oh Israel, The Lord thy God is ONE."

The well meaning folks conducting a hunt for heresy within the church over this issue are doing great harm in my opinion. Not that these things do not matter---they matter tremendously, but they do not matter enough to cause division within the church. While the precise make up of the trinity is great debate material for theologians, it is absolutely not an issue to the other 99% of believers to whom God shows outrageous grace as they seek Him with all their heart.

Reducing Christianity to a series of magic spells which must be pronounced flawlessly to force God into action is the harbinger of the anti-Christ > a last days gasp from the pseudo-Christian pharisees Jesus spent most of His ministry refuting. Now look, they made me be judgmental towards them. Whoops. But I would rather follow the footsteps of Christ: He blasted the Pharisees as a brood of snakes---a human embodiment of foundational evil, but Jesus treasured and embraced the humble simple sinner without quizzing them on theological nuances.

Daddyo, obviously having too much time on my hands....

What I wanna know is whether I am boxing with God or the Devil?

Stuck again.

I get back and get my truck, pay $1,200.00 for the mechanic rebuilding the whole top end of the engine, and load up to try again to come home. I still could not fit all my stuff in the truck so once again I rented a u-haul trailer. I then tried again to go over the mountains to get out of ABQ. Once again the truck ran hot.

Careful readers will note this means I disobeyed God. In a post a week ago I told you I heard/felt God speak to me to "shake off the dust," which I knew meant to leave nearly everything behind, to begin anew. I had already given away 75% of what I owned here. Still the stuff I really wanted to keep was more than I could fit in the truck so I rented the little trailer---an act which was clearly contrary to the direction God had given me. So it was back to Goodwill where I unloaded 80% of what was in the trailer. While making the donation I jackknifed the trailer bending my bumper and somehow messed up my brakes. When I parked the truck overnight it was egged. Then there is a snarl where someone who loves me, but who is psychotic, is doing everything in his power to block me from leaving. It is too twisted and over-reaching to detail here.

WTF?

When you have been given direction from God you can not allow adverse circumstances to dictate your path. Every Bible hero (including Jesus) overcame devastating adversity in order to follow what God had directed them to do. Still, at some point you gotta wonder if there is some evil or divine interference which is preventing me from leaving. Perhaps my psycho friend has a voodoo toy of my truck and is sticking pins in the engine. Or maybe God is watching me to see how much crap I will take before I get pissed off. I honestly don't know. I am not at the breaking point, but I am stunned and miffed. How long will my life stay on hold while I have a beautiful loft in the coolest place in the South sitting empty?

So I am holed up in a cheap hotel until further notice. Wanna know the weird thing? I am happy. It turns out what I was really craving was autonomy. For the last four months I have lived with some loving but smothering family members. They were really good to me, but having to crash with relatives for that long emasculated me and frustrated me in ways I can not fully explain. Yes, we were going to concerts and doing cool stuff, but at the same time I was just screaming inside yearning to get back into a place of Independence. To my surprise I am quite content here at Roadkill Inn with my free wifi and icy pool. I don't know how long I will be stuck here in NM. I suspect it will be another week or so as the truck is fixed (this time under warranty I hope). I can continue to work from my room (thank God I am able to make a little money anywhere I have net access). I am also taking time to make a full analysis of my life---taking stock of my strengths and my weaknesses and developing short and long term goals. I am seeking God fervently for His direction and redemption (and praying that He will thwart any voodoo that may be at work). I covet your continued prayers, and I am believing that the prize in store for me will be much bigger than the adversity of the journey.

Daddyo, counting my blessings, of which there are many. Love you.

It's All Good

I do love my baby and my baby mama!!! Easter, 2006

Like fresh manna each morning I find myself needing miracles every day. This is actually frustrating to me since I really thought at some point in my life I would be able to coast a bit, leave God alone for a day or two and let us get some rest. Nevertheless, each day presents itself with new challenges and hurdles, and YET, by His grace, I prevail.

Each day a remarkable amount of shit happens. If I was the kind of person who focused on the bad things I could not survive, but for every bad or evil thing there seems to be a corresponding miracle that keeps me going. On one hand my blind optimism is my downfall. I push everything to the limit and then some, believing without much basis that all will go well. Then things turn for the worse, and I find I have placed myself under outrageous stress and hardship. Still, in the long run I am convinced that I get more accomplished by pushing myself to the breaking point than if I lived much more conservatively. There is a delicate balance that I have not yet found, but I am working on it.

I have a busy day, and I leave early Thursday a.m. to go get my truck and another load of stuff from ABQ. I have 44 hours of driving to do over the next five days or so. Fortunately, I do not mind the drive at all. The exuberance of the new path carries me.

Daddyo, head over heels in love with a crazy life

Home Sweet Loft

This is the chalkboard in the bedroom of my classroom loft.

Another big step. My little Timmie and I left early for Little Five Points ATL yesterday. I finally signed all the papers, a few dollars crossed the table, and got the gate remote and three keys to my future. I have often been asked why I am moving to Little Five Points. The only relevant question is why I have ever lived anywhere else.

I am three flights up after one uses the gate remote and two different keys to get to the loft. This is great for security purposes, but sucks out loud for moving. It took over two hours to unload my packed to the gills rental car, and by the end my back ached and my feet were killing me. Timmie was super for holding doors for me and carrying a small box or bag on each trip up, but next time I will hire some grunts. We met several neighbors who all raved about living there and invited Timmie to return and play with their dogs, or they offered to help any way they could.

After we unloaded Timmie and I did a walking tour of L5P. The Mexican restaurant across the way was where we were going to eat, but they would not take Timmie---it's 18 and up. I have no clue why. It is absolutely a restaurant first and a bar second. I will get the scoop another day. We went to the juicing place next door where Timmie and I did wheat grass shooters which tasted like......grass. I got Timmie an orange, strawberry and banana smoothie which was pronounced as the best slushie he had ever had. Then we did the bike shop where Tim tried out several candidates for his new bike. The one he wants was $140.00 but is sooo cool! Still, it will be hard to justify spending double what I could get a bike for at Walmart. We meandered past all the sushi joints and tapas places, past the retro and vintage clothes shops and settled on late lunch at Little Five Pizza where he played pinball for an hour and half. I ordered way too much pizza and gave the extra to a group of gray haired black men sharing a pitcher of beer. It's always a good plan to make friends fast in a new place. Free food works wonders, and I shook all their hands, and they rubbed Timmie's head for good luck.

It was a good day, and we made it back to Montgomery in time to catch the Montgomery Biscuits getting beat by the Huntsville All Stars. As much as I look forward to seeing the Braves live at Turner Stadium, it will be hard to beat the zany fun we have at Biscuits games. (Plus we get in for $6 a head.)

There is tons more work to do, but it's all happening!!! It is good to be the daddy again.

Daddyo loves his sons and daughters!

The Gospel according to Anne Rice

One of the top three reasons I love the drive between ABQ and ATL is listening to books on CD. Some of the finest times of my life have been driving and crying or driving and laughing across the country. The last time Penny and I made the journey we had to pull over several times because we were laughing so hard at a book that we could not see to drive. Anyway, for my trek over to spend Easter with my family I choose Anne Rice's new book Christ the Lord.
Anne writes speculative fiction with remarkable scholarship regarding the historical setting and the culture surrounding her characters. The same thousands of hours that Anne and her team formerly spent on characters that sucked blood have now been lavished on one who shed blood for all. Christ the Lord is confined to the story of Jesus at age seven, and is told in the first person.

Coincidentally age seven is the year that my little boy came to know that he was adopted. He began asking lots of questions as it became obvious to him that something was different between he and us. Likewise, Jesus as a young boy moving from Egypt to Nazareth with a lay over in Jerusalem begins to realize that He has odd abilities and giftings that can not be explained. His mother and "father" are reluctant to tell their son about the remarkable events surrounding his birth. So the precocious Jesus embarks on a quest, asking Rabbis and community leaders for clues that He instinctively knows will unlock an amazing secret about His birth. All this is told against a backdrop of the Roman occupation, evil Kings, and roving bandits. It is an exciting and compelling story.

Anne Rice intentionally threads an apologetic foundation within the quest. Without ever being the least bit preachy she gives foundation for things central to the church and the identity of Christ. For example, she, as a Catholic, believes in the perpetual virginity of Mary, something that did not really matter to me either way. But in the story Joseph explains why it would be inappropriate for him to have relations with a woman who has been "known" by God. This makes really good sense to me. While I have previously thought it did not matter whether she remained a virgin all her life, I now see it would be inconceivable in that culture that Joseph would ever have relations with her. Understand this is handled subtly, without any sense that Anne is trying to put a spin on it. It is just that put in context the Truth emerges.

No one really knows what happened in Christ's seventh year or when He came to understand who He really was, but Anne Rice has spun a plausible tale that gives insight into the mind and origin of Christ. It was a great book.

Daddyo, surrounded by love

My Little Boy in my arms

The little red pick up was more broke than I would have guessed. It will take $1,500.00 and a week to fix it. However, nothing was going to stop me from being with my little boy on Easter, and I rented a car and drove 21 hours to be here.

"so tell me Dorothy, what did you learn?"

"there's no place like home.....there's no place like home..."

(my ruby heels click as I disappear into sepia tone)

I've got a million things to tell you, but right now spending time with my family trumps everything else.

I love you; Happy Easter! Daddyo

well, I escaped Pharaoh, but the Red sea did not part

Bobbi totally scooped me on this, but I am temporarily thwarted. The little red truck that could, couldn't. It just was not enough engine to pull my crap, and it overheated in the ascent over the mountains from ABQ. My immediate thought was to rent a uhaul truck and tow little red behind me but that would have run two grand!!! I laid in bed half the night trying to hear direction from God; after I had much to say to Him, I felt him say, "shake off the dust." When God speaks to me it is often that succinct---in the grand scheme of things my precious belongings are nothing but dust. I am going to abandon the vast majority of my stuff in ABQ. I had already given all my furniture away and most of the kitchen stuff, but now I will pare down to clothes, art and a couple TVs. They have yard sales in Atlanta. I can replace my stuff for a fraction of what it would take to tote it.

I also need to have my truck looked at to make sure I don't overheat again. I have a ton of work to do to get home by Easter. Pray for me. Sorry Gabe, I was really looking forward to the father son time, but Easter eve was not the best day for it. Another time....

Daddyo, chin up, stand tall, onward!!!P.S.: a huge shout out to Pastor Billy that helped me load the stuff I am now giving away. Life is ironic. and also to cool cousin Stevie that drove out fifty miles to haul the trailer back to town. I am in your debt.